Depression Generated Defence Mechanism

Before coming on to my topic I would like to make it clear that this article is for people who are experiencing that a person close to them is going through a prolonged depression or stuff like that. See I am also not an expert so will not be dealing with that technical terminology but yes I will try to help you in understanding the perspective of that person close to you and will also try to guide you through a path in which your small efforts can help out that person who is close to you.

So let's begin with our topic of defense mechanism. Some of you may know this term but for those who don't, here's the definition:

In psychoanalytic theory, a defense mechanism is an unconscious psychological mechanism that reduces anxiety arising from unacceptable or potentially harmful stimuli.

What's Bad about Defense Mechanism?
Now you must be thinking that it is all good. We are living in a practical world and developing a mechanism to prevent ourselves from over negative thoughts or people of society, is a beneficial thing and everyone should practice it but wait, it is not the same case with a person who is depressed or having a negative mindset.
Just imagine yourself closed into a dark room, it would be uneasy for sometime but slowly you will adapt to that darkness, and you will start enjoying that but we all know that a life like this wouldn't be a complete one as seeing wonders of nature is also one of the practical aims of our life. Now suppose you are into that darkness for days, weeks, months or maybe years and then there is a person who you really like tries bring you out of that dark room of yours and even the slightest glimpse of light will act as if a knife on your eyes. It will be painful to face light after spending so much time in dark. So what will you do? You will push that person away from yourself and will crawl back into your dark room. This is the type of defense mechanism a depressed person creates around themselves because for them positivity itself becomes a negative term. So no matter how much positivity you bring to them, it will always hurt them and subconsciously they will develop a hatred for that positivity.

Now let me make it clear that why are they developing this mindset over the time in themselves. So imagine yourself discovering an eternal source of bright light and you develop a craving for that beautiful bright light, you started staring it and keep going on enormously for days until your eyes start aching. So what you do is you lock yourself up in a dark room. Now First of all, you will develop a thinking inside yourself that light is harmful for you and when after a period of time someone tries to bring you out of that room, your first encounter will be painful enough so you will run back to that dark space and this incident will strengthen your thinking that light is harmful for you. This is what exactly they are going through. Now if you are thinking that it was there mistake to keep starting at that source of light initially so let me make it clear that we all are humans and we all make mistakes but if the person is close to you then it is the time to help them rather than blaming them.

So What to do Next?

Now you have two options: 1st is to leave them and 2nd is to stick around to help them. Now option one is easy to do and for doing that you just have to develop that feeling in your mind that it was their mistake and they are paying for that but if you think that I am talking like an insane and you are willing to stick around for them then buckle up people cause it can be a long way home. So first thing for you is to prepare your mind because they will try to push you away, sometimes violently, hurting your feelings. They can be the biggest test of your patience so first of all you have to prepare your will power. For that I will suggest write down all your feelings for that person and all the pain that you think that person is feeling on a paper and keep it with yourself and read it whenever you think there is a need to for that.
Enough about you now what about them? How can we help them? Let me make it clear now that if you are thinking that you can change their mindset by your efforts, you are thinking wrong. First of all accept this truth that you can never change the thinking of anyone, the only thing you can do is to make them realize that they need to change their mindset and can motivate their will power to change their perspective. You can be their strength when they will face light after so long time, you can also be the reason behind that but you can never make them do so. That is completely upon them so don't even force them because that will weaken the bond of your relationship. So now the best you can do is to make them realize that life inside a dark room is not a complete life. Now for that you have to relate to them and for that you have to talk to them no matter how much they try to run away. Cause even inside them is a small hope that someone will not run away from them. Now you have to talk but how cause they will only try their best to end the conversation.

Conversation is An Art!

Here are some short pointers for that. I am not saying that they will always work but it can be part of your approach in dealing with them.

• First of all never get angry when they try to push you away. If you will do so they will think that they are becoming problem of your life and will push you away even harder.
• Do not always try to motivate them. This literally feels irritating. Instead try to relate to them. For that you can share your own problems with them which will start a trust worthy conversation between you two and later their are chances that they will also open up.
• Try to converse with them as normally as possible. Don't make them feel like a patient or make them feel guilty. Cause this will push them towards another big problem named self blame.
• Small doses of care and small doses of positivity are very effective in between long normal conversations. Also make them feel that you need them in your life.
• Keep a check on their activities and notice weather they are not doing any self harming stuff even at a very small level. If they are then keep complete authority to scold them and make them realize that it was wrong. Also tell them how bad you felt from this action cause this is needed to prevent them from further doing any stuff like this.

Conversation is an art and we have to practice it differently with different kinds of people but at any cost don't let the bond between yourself go weak. Keep in mind that all these things discussed here are very general and the person close to you will be in between one of the phases of this complete big story. So you have to analyze that in which phase they are and have to plan accordingly. In this task a professional psychologist can help you the best cause they will analyze complete situation in real time and will act accordingly.

At last don't loose hope and stay positive cause then only you can help your loved ones.